Trying to let go
by Mob Doctor
Summary: Heather is trying to let go of Jake. After she returned to Jericho. ONESHOT


**Titel:** trying to let go

**Autor:** Nic

**Summary:** Heather is trying to let go of Jake. After she returned to Jericho. After "Reconstruction".

**AN:**_ thanks to my bff Connie for beta reading. I know u busy all the time so thank you hunny._

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Jericho

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_Don't live in the past.  
If you try to live in the past.  
Your future will become you past._

It was dark outsite. No moon. No street lights. No candlelight cast its glow in her empty lonely apartment. Heather tightened the blanket around her. Her feelings and thoughts were on overload. She needed to get past this…these feelings. She need to let go for Jake and most of all for herself. But it wasn't easy. Letting go never was. So what was she supposed to do?

Letting go isn't easy. Heather knew that. But when she was held in New Bern by Phil Constantino she had hold on to Jake. He was the reason she fought for her life, why she survived after all that time. To see him one more time, to feel his arms around her, to hear is voice say her name kept her breathing. She remembered the way he could look right at her with that smile on his face. She wanted to tell him everything she felt inside her. And now?

Now everything had changed. He was back with Emily. It didn't surprise her much. She tried to prepare herself, anticipate the chance he wouldn't be there…just in case. Now, she had to face reality, the truth of what was at hand before her…she had to let go of him. Of her memories that keep her alive. Of the kiss they shared just as he prepared to leave for Rogue River. Of his smile when he saw she was alive and back. She never saw him smile like that. Ever. There was something in his eyes. Maybe even love. But no she had to let go. Or it would hurt even more.

She knew she couldn't live in the past about what have could been before they got back together. She had to try and live beyond the pain for now and move on or end up like Jake and Emily. She watched them struggle to be what can never be made the same again. Too much time and too much violence in between, she refused to do that to herself. So letting go was the only option. Or her future would end up trying to live in the past.

Tears rolled down her face and Heather made no attemp to brush them away. It was easy to think in logic but the emotions, the tug at her heart and the empty pit in her gut revealed the opposite. She leaned her head on the glass of the window hearing nothing but her own sobs. How was she supposed to let go when she knew she loved him? It was not like she could just tell him that she was in love with him and that she thought they migth have a chance. She would only end up hurting herself. Hurting the peopel she cared about the most.

It hurt to see Jake with Emily. She thought what they had in the past was gone. But the rumors about them seem to be true afterall. She believed Emily when she told her that she was over Jake and only wanted Roger. But so many things had changed since than. Roger was gone. Johnsten Green was dead. And both Emily and Jake seek comfort in each other. So of course they got back together. But was it really love?

Heather shaked her head. _Don't got there. Don't try to find hope when you know there isn't one_ her inner voice reminded her. So how was she supposed to let go of Jake and try to move on. When her heart couldn't. She needed to remind herself that Jake only loved Emily and that that kiss meant nothing. That she meant nothing. To no one. Because no one cared.

Her heart ached. It hurt so much. Why was she doing this to herself? Because if she didn't keep her thought's on Jake they would be repalced by the terrified memorys of what had happened in New Bern . And that was even worse than letting go of Jake. "What am I supposed to do?" she wispered half praying like someone might hear them. Letting go. But how are you supposed to let go when you don't know how?

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_so here goes my first Jericho fanfic. I had to get this out of my head since we never saw how Heather found out about Emily and Jake. So please let me know what you think of it. I would really appreciate it.  
_


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